Nothing
by stardragon12
Summary: Ritsuka is having a hard time getting over Soubi's death. Can a relationship still be formed when one isn't alive anymore? SoubixRitsuka
1. Violet Butterflies

Title: Nothing

Rating: T (for now at least)

Inspiration: Loveless

Pairing: SoubixRitsuka

A/N: This is my first fanfiction here on and I'm hoping someone will find it at least a little interesting. I know that my chapters for this story are short but I just made a new chapter for each little scene thing. I do have a few chapters done for this but I don't have them all done. I'm not the kind of writer that plans everything out before writing so I'm just winging it. Lol! Oh and the rating might change later in the story. I'm not sure how far it's going to go. Hope you enjoy!

Nothing

Chapter 1

His face was still fresh in my mind as I placed a white rose on the casket. A big bouquet filled with white lilies and roses was placed at the altar. The flowers were accompanied by little blue and violet butterflies. When one landed it didn't linger long before it returned to the air. The sight might have been beautiful under any other circumstances.

Tears didn't fall and not one voice could be heard. The fresh air calmed me as the soft breeze lightly brushed my skin. It was slightly cold but the sun made me feel warm.

A hand touched my shoulder and I jerked away immediately. I wasn't in the mood to deal with any sympathy now. The person moved back and sat in a seat a few rows back that were set up for the service. All the other chairs were empty because the service was now over. Everyone paid their respects politely then left, most likely to go eat lunch. I couldn't understand how they could just run off and eat. Food was far from my mind. Only two things occupied it at the moment: the body in the casket in front of me, and the person sitting a few rows back. Only one was breathing.

My mind wandered as I sat in class. Sensei was giving another one of her speeches on animal genetics and breeding. This subject is always comedic to the class since sensei has never lost her ears. Every time she said "breeding" the whole class would erupt in laughter. Her only reaction was to blush and continue on with the lesson.

Everything around me kept moving and I just sat there, totally conscious about my surroundings yet thinking about other things. His face was etched into my mind. His smile, true smile was something I'd never see again. My life was collapsing and nothing was stopping it now. I now have no reason to live. What's the point anyway?

A book slammed onto my desk and my instant reaction was to jump about two feet into the air at the sudden sound. It was a textbook. I looked up to see who made said action but I only saw an empty classroom. The bell had rung a few minutes earlier, I saw as I looked up at the clock. Even the pink haired girl had left to go to her after school club meeting. I grab the book and stuff it into my bag as I walk out of the room and off to the park, our special spot calling to me.

Walking usually cleared my mind but today wasn't a normal day. All thoughts of him flooded my mind. Also my bag was a bit heavier than usual and I couldn't help but think of what I put in it earlier. A massive textbook was imaged in my mind. I remember the cover was a light blue with dark black symbols around the title.

My steps grow slower and I soon stopped at a bench. I place my bag next to me and get out the book that had been on my mind. Its cover was smooth to the touch and where I thought the title was the spot was empty. Only a white rectangle was centered at the top of the cover. My fingers brushed the spot curiously. Weren't there symbols here? I turned the book over only to find a blank back cover. Why would anyone have a book like this?

My heart beats anxiously as I open the book to the first page.

My breathing stops as the book is pulled forcefully out of my lap. I want to turn and yell at whoever ceased my ticket out of curiosity but I couldn't seem to move my eyes from my empty hands. I just sat there, staring at my palms, imagining two pale ones holding them. My eyes grow wide as a red drop fell onto the pavement between my feet. I blink out of my daze and find I'm alone, no one holding my hands, no one dripping with blood, and no one around me. I jerk up as that last thought brought back what was happening. My hands, instinctively, reach for my bag to find the book gone. Was there ever really a book to begin with? I'm not sure but right now that didn't matter. All I cared about was getting safely back to my room, the only true obstacle being the woman waiting for me.


	2. Cold Embrace

Title: Nothing

Rating: T (for now at least)

Inspiration: Loveless

Pairing: SoubixRitsuka

A/N: Please R&R!

Nothing

Chapter 2

I lay on my bed panting; the run to my room took the last bit of my energy. A hand clutched to the dark red stain at my side. Now I'd have to bandage myself. Tears brimmed at the corner of my eyes as I remember the pale flesh that used to wrap around me during these times, the circles that were traced across my back comforting me no more.

I wipe the tears from my eyes and sit up, wincing a bit. My legs don't have much energy but I have to open those glass doors. A drop of sweat fell from my face, as I pulled at the handle, sliding it open. A soft breeze tickled at my bare skin. If the door isn't open then he can't come in. He'll think I'm mad at him.

My legs collapse under me and I fall, the carpeted floor burning against my knees. Just the thought of standing made my body shiver. I lean back against the nearest wall, my arms snaking around my knees to bring myself into a ball. I close my eyes and try to imagine the wall being a warm chest behind me, the cool breeze playing as the hands that brush my hair to the side.

A sudden thump resounded through the dark room, a freezing temperature floating across the open doorway.

A warm body, cool hands, and a faint whisper of hair across my skin, my eyes flutter open and a bright light makes them close for a moment. As my eyes get used to the light I see that I'm still in my room.

I jump, as there is a feeling of arms wrapping around my waist. A warm body pushed against my back. My body immediately reacts. I lean into the warmth but it turned suddenly cold. You'd think I would have tried to get away from the cold but if the former warmth is who I think it was then I'd only want to be closer.

My eyes want to see his face. A cool wind blows his hair into my eyesight. His face, I want to see his face, every atom of my being wants to see his beautiful face.

Strong hands hold me in place, a deep voice in my ear telling me to stay still. I want to obey but my heart can't take much more. My eyes clench shut and a falling sensation pulls me down.

A deep, dulling ache in my side makes me sit up and I reach out for the cold body that held me close. My eyes snap open as I find myself lying on the carpeted ground in my bedroom. I stand, shaking and attempt to get to my bed. Where is he? Why isn't he here?!

I panic as I find my room empty. I shut my eyes and try to wake up. This has to be a dream! He was just here. I felt him!

Tears stream down my face, as I relise that what I had experienced just a moment ago was the dream. The only problem with that conclusion was that the door to my balcony was closed. I don't remember closing it. I know for sure that I opened it and that wasn't also a dream.

My body immediately moved to the sliding door and I reach out to grip the handle. I pull it back to find my hand covered in blood. My first thought was that it was from my side but that wasn't the hand I was using to hold my side earlier. I start to freak out and my tears stop.

A knock echoed from the door at the other side of my bedroom. My head jerks to stare at it intently. She wouldn't check up on me this late. Would she?

I look for something to wipe my hand and the handle off but when I look back at my hand it's clean like it was before. Nothing but a sheer sweat painted across it. Another knock was heard from the door, this time a bit more welcoming.


	3. Tree Piss Isn't So Bad

Title: Nothing

Rating: T (for now at least)

Inspiration: Loveless

Pairing: SoubixRitsuka

A/N: I hope everyone is still reading this and will continue to review. Even if you don't like my story I'd like a response anyways. ENJOY! .

Nothing

Chapter 3

My heart beats rapidly as I think of who might be on the other side of my bedroom door. Do you think that it's…?

I slowly walk over to the door and bring my hand up about to open it. Realization hits me. What if it's not who I hope it is? I call through the door asking what they want. My mothers sobbing could be heard and her reply is to bang on the door repeatedly pleading that I open up. I jump back and move over to the closed sliding door at the other end of my room. I grab a notebook and climb down to the alley below. I can't deal with her right now.

My feet bring me back to my familiar bench in the park. My black notebook shone in the light from a near by streetlamp. I open it up to the first blank page and start to write down my thoughts.

About an hour later I hear screeching coming from the nearest street. My eyes search for the headlights, so I can be prepared if the car comes near. My body is now alert and my pen is clenched in my hand. The lights come around the corner and I see that it's a dark blue Honda. Nothing too impressive to the general public but I felt drawn to it somehow. My eyes followed the car till it came to a stop about 60 feet away from where I was sitting.

No trees were blocking my view as a tall man stepped out in a dark black suit. I notice that he has wide shoulders and walked as if he was a high paid executive at a well-known business. His presence seemed intimidating and I felt a need to move back a bit even though I was already a great distance away.

He walks over to a tree and just stands there for a moment. What the hell is he doing? I notice that the top of his pants shift down about an inch. My face turns deep red as I relise what he's doing.

I gather up my stuff and go to walk away when I hear a car alarm go off behind me. I turn to see the man slumped over the hood of his car, his pants still undone. After running over to see if he was ok I try to move him so he is leaning up against a tree, not the one he used earlier mind you. My face grows a deeper red as I find his pants still undone. I build up my courage and zip him up quickly trying not to wake him up. When I bent down his breath met my nose and a strong smell of alcohol made me realize that he'd be out for a while.

A harsh wind whips onto the mans face and he wakes slowly, still a bit dazed. The whole night we spent here in the park together. I am now laying a foot away from him fast asleep. He looks over at me and it takes him a second to understand why I'm there. Once he found his explanation he brings his hand over to brush my hair to the side.

That small touch woke up my senses and I sit up to stare into the mans eyes. He smiles at me and I ask shyly why he's here. He chuckles back at me and asks me the same question. His laugh is deep and warm. It reminds me of… well Him. We laugh at ourselves for a while but soon our curiosity comes out. I see the expression on his face and immediately tell him the whole story even about the zipper. Much blushing and fidgeting was had but I tried to keep talking as to distract him. I finish my story and glance up to see what he has to say.

His only response was a small smile and a pat on my head. That was enough for me to smile brightly up at him and forget about my earlier uneasiness. He stands up and holds out a hand to help me up. He offers to buy me breakfast as we look out to see the sun rising over the clouds. I agree wholeheartedly and I follow beside him to the nearest restaurant.

He asks me about my family and my school and I ask about his work and home life. I find out that he has the exact job I pictured him in. His roommate is a bit younger than him and is a total slob but he promised a long time ago to take care of him. I explain about my mother and how my school friends are a bit annoying. He laughs at just the right moments and seems genuinely interested in what I'm saying. I don't feel as if our age gap is really noticeable. We're talking as if we'd been friends for ages.

I did have the slight doubt about his motives but I'm not a child, I can take care of myself enough to handle this. Besides this might be my ticket out of the damned house I now call "home."

Later on in our conversation I find that he's looking for another roommate since the one he has now can't pay much of the rent. Score! This really might be my chance! I'd gotten a job a few months back that paid pretty decent and some saving I had built up would be plenty to cover a rent. Also, being seventeen did give me some right to leave the house.

I suggest my thoughts and he seems delighted at the thought. He says that if I get this paper filled out and signed by my guardian by the end of the week I can move in as soon as I want. He hands me the paper and I smile just at the thought.

I am about to go into another discussion about his roommate when he looks down at his watch to find that he's already late for work. I let him leave but first I ask for another meeting in three days so I can give him the filled out and signed paper. He agrees and sets off for work, waving back at me as he opens the door.

As I still sit at the booth I try to imagine what his roommate is like.


	4. Groping Savior

Title: Nothing

Rating: T (for now at least)

Inspiration: Loveless

Pairing: SoubixRitsuka

A/N: I'M SO SORRY! T.T I'm so cruel… I haven't updated in…well a long time. I've changed, well more like revised, the past chapters and such so they're a bit cleaner I think. Also I've been so busy with school and raising money for my trip to Japan next summer. Well, I'll stop making excuses and let you read the next chapter. Please comment even though I know I don't deserve it T.T

Nothing

Chapter 4

Here I am, sitting in class once again, repeating the same routine that has been hammered into my brain since _that_ happened. My head is laid down on my desk between my outstretched arms. All sense of consciousness had been lost about an hour earlier when sensei told us to turn to a page in our biology book. There was a beautiful, pastel butterfly filling the two pages, labels coming from the edges to show different parts of the butterfly. Everything blurred out of place as my mind left the room and I am still in that state at this moment. Thoughts of _him _seemed to pop up from unexpected places, when I'm not prepared. A thin strand of saliva pooled onto my desk. The bell rang loudly throughout the classroom and I hurriedly wiped my mouth and desk off and ran out to the schoolyard. He was waiting for me and I couldn't afford to be late.

As I'm walking in the door to the restaurant I notice that he's sitting in a booth in the far corner. His head is leaned back on the seat and his eyes are closed. How long has he been waiting for me? I get closer to the table and find that he's sleeping soundly and it seems that he needs the rest. I smile gently and sit down across from him. Could he get anymore adorable?!

His expression suddenly changes to fear and I lean over the table to shake him awake. I needed to talk to him anyways, though I do want to see more of that look more often. He sits up and stares at me in shock before apologizing profusely. I repeatedly tell him that it's ok and shine him a bright smile to prove my point. My eyes drop to the table and he starts off the inevitable conversation that we came for. My signed (more like forged) paper in hand.

We decide all the arrangements for living together and I plan to move in at the end of the week. The only problem is what his "roommate" is like. What trouble have I gotten into this time?

A pile of shirts puddles around my feet and almost trips me as I try to pack everything needed. Anything unnecessary will be sold and used to pay part of my rent, which isn't as bad as I was expecting. Jeans are something that I've found I have a lack of. I guess since I've been growing, all my pants are too short. Surprisingly the waist still fit though a little roomy.

My bag now packed, I rush out of the house and jump onto one of many subway trains that'll be needed to get to his house. I bend over to pick up my large bag to put in the top rack and a stray hand brushes against my backside. I figure that it wasn't on purpose so I lift my bag into the rack and grab a handle off of the ceiling. About 20 minutes later the train is packed and not many could even seem to breathe. I attempt to not get completely smashed by pushing myself against the window.

The crowd seemed to pack closer to me and the hand that groped at me this time touched a little more intimate spot at the top of my leg. A bright blush of embarrassment and anger spread across my face. A tall figure jumps in front of me and a shout could be heard from the other person. My eyes are tightly shut and my hands are clenched into fists as the train suddenly jerks and the figure turns to place his hands at each side of my head against the window, blocking me from the other flailing passengers. I can feel his breath against my tearing face and I feel an impulsive urge to wrap my arms around the lean body that's practically against me.

His breath moves to my ear and he mumbles comforting words to me. I open my eyes slowly and a gentle face, though slightly dirty, greets me. My tears are falling freely as he attempts to take a step back but only infuriates a fellow passenger that pushes back and his body is pressed into mine. I groan involuntarily and my eyes go half lidded. He winces and apologizes into my ear, as he can't move anymore. I thank him softly and my cheeks redden.

The train stopped at a rather well known station and most of the passengers got off while not many replaced them. The man takes a step back and formally introduces himself. All I can do is stare as I relize how handsome he really is. I find myself comparing him to my soon to be roommate who I earlier found out that his name is Minoru. They are nothing alike but there was something about them both that drew me to them. I can't help but think that it's destiny.

I feel I made previous judgments that were thought too soon. Kaoru, the man that had saved me earlier, is talking animatedly and seemingly moving closer to me. As I am still against the window my attempts at moving backwards are just that, attempts. It's not that he's a bad looking guy or anything but I still haven't gotten over my former partner. I understand that he has no knowledge of my past so I take in a deep breath and try to focus on what he's saying to me.

He hands me his card and I look up at him skeptically. The small card in my hand labels him as a photographer, the one photographer that inspired me to take pictures. Is this a joke? He's toying with me right?

Kaoru smiles and ruffles my hair, explaining that he uses another name when on the job. I pull out a book from my bag. His eyes widen as he recognizes it to be one of his photography books. You see, he's not exactly a well-known artist and I only knew about him because Seimei gave me one of his books before he died. I admired how Kaoru viewed the world through his camera lense. I only had known him by his other name, Dai. The soft colors in his landscapes and vibrant lighting in his portraits gave me inspiration for my own work. I wake up to his poster image of a butterfly that Soubi had given to me as a present. Soubi always knew what I liked, but never relized what I loved the most.

My eyes tear up as memories that I've tried to forget rise to the surface. A light touch wipes my cheek and I look up to see Kaoru's worried orbs staring at me. Is my idol really concerned about me?

Thankfully my stop arrived and I grabbed my bag quickly, trying not to hit anyone's head, and dash out of the train. The next few trains were, thankfully, rather empty and calm. My tears are now flowing freely now as I feel as if I've betrayed my love. Can I really have those kinds of feelings for someone new?

A/N: Well, I know it's not quite as long as I bet you were hoping for but I think enough happened to keep you guessing for quite some time. Sorry about that. Oh and if you have any questions please ask me. I might not answer the ones that give out too much information but I'll try. Oh and I love reviews . Flames are welcome. I just want to know how I'm doing. Thanks for reading!


	5. A Maybe Very Bad Idea

Title: Nothing

Rating: T (for now at least)

Inspiration: Loveless

Pairing: SoubixRitsuka

A/N: Yeah I know I'm evil and lazy…Sorry that this is such a short chapter.

Nothing

Chapter 5

I arrive at my destination, Minoru's apartment. I am now doubting my decision. Was this the right choice? Am I taking things too fast? I barely know anything about this man. My face is still red from my previous tears as I start trudging up the stairs. I can't think straight. All I know is that I'm supposed to keep walking these steps. I must see what's at the top.

The stairs are covered with red carpet and the railing is chipped in quite a few places. The whole building gives off a dark aura. The light flickers above my head and a shiver runs down my spine. This isn't what I was expecting. I thought he was… maybe I was wrong and this is a very bad idea. My eyes shift down to the napkin in my hand: his address, the apartment number, and my new home.

There is nothing left for me to do but knock on the dull wooden door in front of me. My hands don't move. I start to panic, as I can't seem to make my body move with my mind. I've always had a problem with that. My body has always obeyed my heart. My mind was too far back to even attempt to catch up.

A loud thump echoed through out the hallway and I jump back to reality. I find that my head had slumped forward against the door my hands were so unwilling to knock on a few moments before. I blink as my ears pick up the sound of shuffling behind the wooden barrier. This was it. I had no choice but to stand there awkwardly. Though many other options did run through my mind. All unrealistic I may add for I knew this was the only choice.

I thought of running back down the many flights of stairs I had previously brought myself up. There was no way I was gonna take so much effort to avoid the situation that I knew was going to happen one way or another. Another option was to build up as much courage as possible and continue to knock as planned so I didn't feel like a complete idiot. Well, by now that would just look too obvious. The third was to pull out my phone and call Him. I knew that was impossible for I never carry a cell with me anymore, especially that one. It was just to painful to carry around something with so many memories attached to it. All those previous options were declined as I stand here, my eyes now faced to the ground.

A hand pats my shoulder and my eyes shoot open to find a slight wetness on the floor below me. I was crying. Tears were falling down my face. How pathetic. I hit myself mentally. What have I come to? This betraying body that never follows my orders! I slump into another's warmth. My first instinct is to snuggle into this comforting chest, my arms griping around a slim, built waist. My body has once again done the undesired. I black out, a deep, worried voice trying to wake me.


End file.
